I wear a prosthesis every day. I don’t think of it as weird. It is just my life now. Honestly I don’t feel different or think of myself differently than I did before my amputation. The fact that I wear shorts with my metal leg exposed every single day is probably the greatest testament I could give to that fact. But not being any different means that every once in a while I’ll see a picture of me in my prosthesis and say to myself, “Man… that is so weird!”
Today is one of those days. It was an incredible day. I played golf with my dad and Jack and while none of us played particularly well, we all had a great time. We also took several pictures together. I was just looking at one of our pictures and had one of those “Man, that is weird” moments. Here is the picture:
My dad asked me the other day, “Do you notice people looking at your leg?” The answer is yes. Every 20 seconds. Everywhere I go. Every step I take. I see every eye cut, every glance away from my face shooting down my body to my prosthesis. Of course. How could you not? The point is, I don’t care. If I cared I’d wear pants. You wouldn’t be able to tell. But not caring if people know you are wearing a prosthesis doesn’t mean you don’t notice and it doesn’t mean you won’t see a picture and go “Man, that is so weird!”
Because I am the one wearing it, I don’t see it. I honestly don’t know how weird it looks to others, but if I can see a picture and it makes me stop and go “whoa!” then that is probably a 50th of what the average person I run into every day thinks when this unexpectedly enters their vision. No wonder kids stare so intently!
It’s interesting how this doesn’t feel like it has changed my personality, yet it has changed so much. I don’t hold myself to any lesser standards though. My brother and I both played horribly today. He beat me by a stroke. Our dad beat us both by 10 strokes. I am going to be going out to the range this week because I need to get used to hitting in my new socket and next time out, metal leg or no metal leg, I am going to hold myself to an equal standard and do everything in my power to beat them both outright. Handicap is a mindset. Although that mentality still doesn’t make walking up hills any easier! Haha.